I shall call this "sick week"

Well with band competitions over we have been able to start having the "older" Cook boys more often!  It has been such a blessing to, they are so good with their little brother.  Since they had the day off school Monday we were able to have them from Saturday until Monday.  And it was a good thing to!  Sunday I woke up (well crawled out of bed around 10:30) not feeling that great.  Which with this pregnancy isn't that odd.  I didn't necessarily feel sick just drained; my "tummy" never seems to feel to right with the lovely contractions I get to have (yes they are still here and not wanting to go away).  James made his usual weekend breakfast for us, I love the potatoes he makes, but I just wasn't in the mood to eat.  So I decided when K.C. went down for a nap that I would to.  Well it ended up I had the dang flu! I don't think I have had it since I was like 14!  I never got "morning sickness" with K.C. or this lil guy so this really sucked! It didn't last that long though and by that evening the flu part of not feeling good went away, all thanks to the fact K.C. was kept busy by his Daddy and bro's.  He did occasionally have to come in to give me some loves though.  Finally around 11:30 I felt good enough to eat, nothing like a few crackers and an apple :). James told me I better eat and drink more water, but nothing really sounded good so I didn't.  But around that same time my "tummy" started to ache but not stomach flu ache, this just felt different, so I went ahead and took my medication for contractions in hopes that it would just go away.  James decided to sleep in another room cause he did not want to catch whatever I had, I didn't mind I knew I would probably be doing a lot of tossing and turning anyway.  I really felt like I should go in and get checked but didn't want to feel like I was over reacting. So I decided to wait the hour I was told to and see if the contractions would go away.  I went ahead and took a bath and tried to get some sleep.  I woke up still feeling contractions around 2 and did some more tossing and turning.  The contractions were not getting any better and for the first time they actually felt like real labor contractions.  I finally called the labor and deliver and told them what was going on, I wasn't sure if what I was feeling may have just been a result of being sick that day.  They told me to go ahead and come in to make sure that everything was all right.  So, not really wanting to, I went and woke up James to have him take me in (this was about 3:40am ish).  The nice thing is we had the boys so we didn't have to worry about what to do with K.C. (especially nice since my parents think they have to go to WA to visit with other family for the whole month..... who do they think they are anyway! :) ) 

So we get to labor and delivery and they get me all hooked up to the monitors and sure enough I am contracting pretty regularly. (I forgot to add that the pills I took at midnight were my last ones! another reason I felt the need to go in). The doctor comes in and decides to run a bunch of test to find out what is going on.  He does another fetal fibronectin test, a strep B test, and checks my cervix.  My cervix doesn't appear to have changed since the last time I was in (10 days prior), it is still soft and opened a finger tip wide (which is something you like to hear more along 36 weeks and not 26 weeks) and appears to not have gotten "shorter".  So that was good news.  While waiting on the other test I get to have a lovely IV, yeah!  (ya... not!!) Since I hadn't really eaten anything in the last 24 hours my sugar was low and I was a bit dehydrated.  So I got to have a liter of Dextrose 5 and a liter of normal saline.  I now know why and appreciate that our local ambulance keeps all their bags of fluid on a warmer.  The fluid was so cold and from my elbow down my arm was achy and cold.  The doctor also gave me 20 more milligrams of the nifedipine.  He let me know that getting some sugar and fluid back into me along with the medication should ease the contractions.  He was right!  While waiting for the test results I was finally starting to fall asleep.   And after what felt like forever waiting for the test he finally came in and said that everything came back negative, YEAH!!  So we know that there should be no baby for yet another 2 weeks!  So after being in the hospital for yet another 4 or 5 hours of this pregnancy we were able to go home.  On the way home I made sure to make James stop at the pharmacy to pick up my prescription that had been sitting there for.. oh just a few days :)  The pour guy still had to do a full day of work!  I on the other had been able to go back to bed until 1 when the boys had to go home.  I am so glad that my step sons are such a big help when it comes to helping out with K.C.


Almost 28 weeks!


Early Tuesday morning I get a text from my babysitter saying her whole family was sick!!  That was a panic!  With my parents in WA we really don't have anyone else to watch him on short notice.  But James did some thinking and called a friend whoes wife runs a daycare in Homedale.  But her rates are good and we both have to be at work so Homedale it was!  It was kinda scary cause this was his first time K.C. had to go to a "daycare".  I got to go pick him up after work and found out that he had a great day!  He even made himself a friend.  He had to go on Wednesday to and yet again he did great.  I was so thankful that he had some where to go.  With me on reduced hours I really can't take off any more time at work, and James is always busy! 

Well poor Keegan was another victim of the flu :(  not sure if Cameron ever got it.  We think that K.C. may have had a touch of it, he had some bad diapers over the weekend and ended up with a lil rash but for the most part he was pretty good.  And then my poor hubby ended up not feeling well on Wednesday evening.  He didn't end up getting the stomach flu like the rest of us though, lucky guy!!  I hope that this is the end of the flu for our family though!!

So I think it is time to start potty training K.C.  He has decided to become a stripper!  The other morning James went in to get him out of bed and he was butt naked!  Oh and he decided to go #2 in his crib for Daddy.  It was really hard not to laugh at this and be thankful I was at work :)  He has also pulled this lil prank for the babysitter to, but not the #2 thing just #1 in his playpen.  He thinks it is funny to take his pants off and then his diaper at home to.  I have been starting to ask him if he has to go potty and then taking him to the bathroom so he can sit on the toilette but he has yet to actually "go".  The cutest thing was what I got to see this morning when I went into his room to get ready for work and kiss him goodbye.  There it was this cut lil "full moon" sticking straight up in the air.  Not sure when during the night he decided to sleep in his "birthday suit".  But I ended up having to wake him up so that I could change all his sheets and blankets and of course put clothes back on him so he could get some more sleep in a dry bed.  But it really was so cute.... I had to take pictures :)  He is going to love me when he gets older!!!  But oh how I LOVE all my "mommy moments"

 Oh and Mommy thought that she would go ahead and trim K.C.'s hair....  Well James at one time mentioned using the clippers.....  well that wasn't the best idea, the first thing I used wasn't even cutting his hair so I went with a shorter thing on the clippers... ya BAD idea, bye bye to all ok K.C.'s locks :(

Another check up today ended in labor and delivery......

Well I had another routine check up today.  It started out pretty good, other then the fact that my contractions have not let up.  It was decided that we would go ahead and up the dose on my medication and bring me down to 30 hours a week at work instead of 40. My belly is still measuring bigger, (I will take that as a good thing). Then she decided to check me to see what my cervix was up to.  Well, it has started to soften so she sent me over to labor and delivery to get my cervix measured.  At this point there was talk about possibly starting steroid shots to start to prepare the baby for a possible early delivery, oh and no more work.
So I got to go and sit in that cold delivery room (that you don't notice is so cold when you are IN labor) they hooked me up to be monitored.  Contractions where still there, baby still doing good and being very active.  The did a cervical ultra sound to measure my cervix and good news!!! My cervix is at a good length. So no chance of an early delivery in the next 2-3 weeks :)  My cervix may be soft but since it is at a good length there isn't a need to start the steroid shots yet. 
So for now I am still good to be at work but only at 30 hours a week.  I just continue to ask for all your prayers.  I would like it if when it's time for this little guy to come that when I get to go home from the hospital he will be able to come with me. I wish this could be a simple pregnancy (like it was with K.C.) but that doesn't seem to be an option.  I can't control what my body decides to do but I can control my attitude.  So I will continue to be hopeful and positive, things really could be much worse.  God is in control!!

Busy month!

Well the Cook family has had a busy last 2 weeks......

Before all my issues came up we were able to go and see Keegan's last marching band competition of the year at BSU.  Schools from all around were there.  The Weiser band ended up placing first in there division!! Congrats to Keegan and the band.  Keegan looked like a marching pro!  Keegan was also able to get his deer the last day of the season, unfortunately Cameron didn't get his.

James was lucky enough to take a couple days to go fishing with his dad Flip. They met up with our neighbor who runs a fishing guide business.  They had a great time.  James was able to land 2, he lost a few more plus some gear.  He was nice enough to bring my Dad one of the fish.  Dad said the fish tasted great!!

Well I have made it to 25 weeks!!  Only 15 more to go.....   The contractions are still here though.  Somedays are better then others.  It doesn't take much for me to get tuckered out.  The pills have pretty much been doing there job. I almost went a whole day with out taking one, but by the end of the night I started to feel them enough to take a pill. I haven't felt the need to go back into the hospital so that is good.  There is still the possibility that they could turn into pre term labor. They could just go away or I could deal with them for the next 15 weeks.   I enjoyed being at home and got lots of sleep, sometimes up to14 hours in a day.  I am back to work now and pray that things will all be fine and the contractions wont flair up.  



25 weeks

In other baby news my sister Kristy and her husband Darrin welcomed a baby boy early Saturday morning!!  Trenton Daniel Longoria.  My sister was in labor for a whole 2 hours!!  They had a nice home birth.  How freakin lucky is she?!!

Well K.C. has been keeping me pretty busy.  The other day I went into his room to get him from his nap and he was standing there buck naked!!  He pointed to his blanket and said "wet, peed"  yup sure enough there was a big wet spot.  But the diaper and nighty he decided to take of were perfectly dry. I guess I should consider myself lucky that is all that he did in his crib.  

So this year instead of carving pumpkins I let K.C. paint one.  Letting him paint is always fun.  I have no problem with letting him make a mess!  he actually did pretty good though.

I decided to get creative with a pumpkin this year to and made an all from scratch pumpkin pie.  The crust came out pretty good.  The pie did to but since it was made straight from the pumpkin it was a bit grainy for me.  I think next time I make one I will try to puree it a bit more and see what else I can do to make it more smooth.  But it didn't go to waist!!  I also roasted the seeds!  That is my favorite part of Halloween.  I love fresh pumpkin seeds!

For Halloween we went to the trunk or treat held at the Parma MotorVu.  K.C. was dressed up as a BSU bronco mascot.  I waited to long and our choices were a bit limited.  But he was still cute!!  He did pretty good, he wasn't to sure of holding his bag but once he realised that they were putting candy in it he was not letting go! 

On other baby news I was able to find the swing I wanted on craigslist for cheap!!  K.C. decided that he would test it out for his brother.  Now all I really need for the baby is some more clothes.  With what I have got and some hand me downs from my sister in law it looks like he will be good for NB and 0-3 months.  I would like to get some cloth diapers for the boys to use while I am home.  So if anyone was wanting to get us a baby gift that would work :)  Other then that I see my midwife again on Friday! 

Oh and K.C. got a new pet!!!  He got 4 lil gold fishies!  And loves them a lot, his favorite thing to do is feed them.

More contractions.......

So I had a follow up appointment today with my midwife.  I was still not feeling very good.  When I got to see Charlotte and explain to her what I was feeling she decided that I would go back over to Labor and Delivery to get monitored.  She wanted to see if I was still having contractions or maybe just back spasms.  So we got over to labor and delivery and got all hooked up.  Come to find out I was still having contractions.   I was told I am having an irritable uterus, they gave me another pill to see if it would help again.  Luckily it did!  But it wont make them go away for good.  I was given a prescription and told to take them when I start feeling contractions.  If they last for more then an hour after taking the pill I need to go back into the hospital.  One doctor said that I would have to probably deal with this until baby Cook decides he's ready to come into the world, that wasn't to comforting.  We were able to talk to my midwife before we left the hospital and she said that they could stop, so we can be hopeful.  So to try to get them to stop, so we wont have to deal with them for the next 16 weeks, I get to take it easy for the next week.  I will see Charlotte again next Friday.  Hopefully staying home and getting some rest and decompressing without having to worry about anything will help.  I feel bad but am very thankful to my coworkers who are covering me.  Hopefully after next week things can all go back to normal.  I wish we new what was causing the contractions.  Prayers are asked that they calm down and that we don't end up back in the hospital.  It has been a stressful last few days.  Of coarse I think of more questions I should have asked after we leave the hospital. Like what can happen if they don't stop....  But since I didn't ask lets just pray that they go away and I don't have to find out. 

That was scarey.......

Well for those of you who already have heard about my contraction scare I thought that I would write it all out so that the whole story is out there.

It started while I was sitting at work on Wednesday, well actually Tuesday but I didn't do anything until Wednesday.  I had been feeling very uncomfortable.  I have had this tight pulling type feeling on my right side that started in my back and came around to the front near my rib cage. I also had this achey hot feeling down my spine.  So on Wednesday I decided that I would call my midwife.  I didn't think much of it, but was pretty uncomfortable. I had to leave a message and wait for the call back from the office.  Since I was at work I just gave them my work number.  Well around 3 they called back.  I was talking to the nurse describing what I was feeling and she wanted me to come in and get evaluated.  They wanted to be able to see me and rule out my gallbladder.  My appointment was set for 4:15.  Being the pregnant emotional person I am I was overwhelmed with emotion and had to step out for a few minutes until Icould compose myself.  You can't exactly be crying and able to talk normal on the radio at the same time. Anyway I was able to get out of work a few minutes early so that I could make my appointment.  I got there and checked in and then went and sat down.  I was afraid I was going to be sitting in the waiting room for a while since it was later in the afternoon and there was still a few people waiting.  Well pretty much right at 4:13 my midwifes nurse called my name.  I was pretty surprised cause I had only been sitting there for like 3 or 4 minutes.  She pulled me back behind the door and said that after talking to the nurse that I talked to on the phone and speaking with Charlotte (my midwife) she wanted me to go over to Labor and Delivery to get checked (my midwifes office is in the St Als complex right across from labor and delivery).  They have more equipment to evaluate what is going on.  Once again emotions took over and I started crying.   It was hard to be there without James.  He just happened to be in Weiser picking up Keegan.  And at this point I didn't really know what to expect so I didn't feel there was a reason to tell him to come out to Boise (that would have taken at least an hour and a half anyway)  So I got over to labor and delivery and they took me to a delivery room.  It was really wierd to be there when I was not in labor.  They first had me do a urine test then get into one of those lovely gowns.  The hooked uped the monitors so they could check on me and the baby.  He was very active!!  That was a nice relief.  Finaly around 5:30 or so the doctor came in and asked me a ton of questions, my urine test came back great, and decided that I probably starined some abdominal muscles.  She also wanted to monitor me for a while without the baby,  the baby was doing good.  So they hooked just me up for about 30 min to see what I was doing with out the baby.  I was watching the screen and could see some stuff but wasn't really sure what I was looking at so I didn't want to worry.  Still at this point I didn't know what was going on so there was no reason for James to come to Boise. The doctor came back in and confirmed what I had though I may have been feeling and seeing on the screen....  I was having contractions.  They were about 3 minutes apart.   So at this point I am really scared.  I text James to tell him what was going on and that I would call in a few.  This was at about 6:10.  They gave me some pills to stop the contractions (if you are curious what they are you can ask James he knows), they also did a pelvic exam to look at my cervix.  Luckily everything looked good there and things were nicely staying closed and doing what it should be at only 23-24 weeks along.  They also did a swab test to check something else, I honestly don't remember what it was, only that if it was negative that was good.  They kept me hooked up and we had to wait an hour for the test results.  At this point James is now on his way to Boise.  The whole experiece had been pretty scary alone I was happy he was on his way.  A new doctor came in after 7 and was starting to give me the results of the test when James walked in!  She started over and stated that the swab test they did came back negative and that the pill had stoped the contractions.  So there was no threat of pre labor happening, I told James that he should have came earlier, up until then the news wasn't all that great and he was  a good luck charm. Anyway that was a nice relief, but I was still wondering why it happend in the first place.  It came down to probably stress induced. So now I have to take it easy at home for a few days and follow up with my midwife Friday and we will go from there. Spending over 4 hours in the hospital was not how I wanted to spend my Wednesday night and not exactly how I wanted to get a few days off of work either.  Hearing that you are contracting and only 23-24 weks along is scary. I did a lot of crying yesterday, dang prego emotions. There are a lot of thoughts that go through your head when put in this situation, none of them that good, it was just way to early.  So today I am just relaxing at home, Keegan is here and is helping with KC, which is nice cause I got to sleep in.  He is such a good big brother.  I am thankful for everyones thoughts and prayers, keep em coming! I am still feeling the discomfort in my side but muscles take time to heal, not sure how I strained it in the first place.  I guess we will wait and see what my midwifes say tomorrow.

Busy October.....

Big changes this past week.  Baby Cook has decided to let Mommy know he is here.  He has really started to move around.  He's been giving me some pretty good kicks.  The last week while sitting at work I felt 31 weeks pregnant instead of 21 weeks. (I am now 22weeks)  I can finally feel him from the outside to.  Still not too many kicks though were someone else can feel it.  It is going to be so fun when I can get K.C. to feel the kicks, he is already such a good big brother.  He has not only been giving his baby brother "loves"  he now talks to his little brother.  He puts his face right next to my belly and just starts jabbering.  It is so cut. Last Saturday I went to the quarter sale at Other Mothers and got some really cute new born clothes. (I don't recommend going unless you are ready to really dig through stuff, I only went cause I had a coupon to get my first 20 items free, not hard to get to 20.  I prefer the Kidz Again grab bag sale, much better deal!!)  Well doing some "baby" laundry and seeing how little those clothes are started to make me get excited about this new lil guy.  I think I am finally grasping reality that I am indeed pregnant.  Well that and there is this huge belly in front of me that is already getting uncomfortable and just getting bigger and bigger. 

22 Weeks!

This has been a really busy week for James.  He finally got his "P" card in the mail from the state!!!  He has his pretty paramedic patch and everything.  I am so proud of him for his achievements.  He is going to make such a good paramedic.  He has already been put to work on Sundays with his buddy Rich pulling shifts.  With our stove still not fixed I have enjoyed being able to go to the station to use the oven there and cook dinner for the boys.  On Saturday James helped test the EMT advance class, congrats to them all for passing!! Now they just need to take their written exam and Parma will have more advance EMT's.  It's amazing the growth that our small department has made in the last 10 years.  (I am sad that I no longer have time to play with them, but hey the flip side is I get more time with my family and that is much better!!)  James has really done a lot with the department since he became chief and it has kept him really busy.  But even with his busy schedule he finally found time to work on the truck.  The fuel pump in our Chevy went out this summer and it has been sitting at the station ever since.  Poor James has been stuck at home without a second vehicle while I am at work.  Thankfully my parents have allowed us to use one of there vehicles if James needed to do something.  Thanks Mom and Dad!!  James is very happy to have the truck back though.  Once he got the part he needed it didn't take long to get the truck up and running.  He decided to go an easier route to the pump and he just took the bed off the truck.  He said it took just a few bolts and a few guys to get the bed off and back on.  Yeah we have a truck again!!!

Before.....



........After



Keegan has had a pretty busy week to!  On Saturday his marching band had a competition at Vallivue High School.  Congratulations to the Weiser High School band for taking FIRST in there division!!!  James, myself, and K.C.  made it to the school just in time to watch them play.  This weekend they have their last competition at BSU, we are all going to go and cheer them on. 

 Keegan had another big day on Sunday.  He went hunting with his step dad Jack up near council and shot his first elk!!  The shot was from about 200 yards.  Congrats Keegan!!

Cameron gets to start hunting for the first time next week.  Both boys will be going after deer I believe.  James loaned Keegan his 7mm mag and he has been practicing with that.  He told his Dad that they were sighting it in the other day and now his arm is numb! Cam wont shoot it.

First Elk!!!

Mr. K.C. will not stop growing!!  Seriously that child is becoming such a big boy.  His last 2 lower cuspid teeth are pushing through this week so the poor lil guy has been a bit sick.  On Sunday he got a slight fever and that lasted almost 2 days. He was up almost every hour that night and ended up sleeping with Mommy and Daddy.  Well actually sleeping ON Mommy.  That made for a very long night for me since I had to work Monday and was up at 4:30 to get ready.  Monday night he was only up a few times and by Tuesday his fever was gone.  I can't wait for the teething to be all done!!  But even with a slight fever K.C. does not miss a beat.  With James working on Sunday I now get to take K.C. to church by myself (James was going with him alone while I had to work)  I wait until after the childrens sermon until I take him down to the nursery.  That way he can be there during the singing to.  This last Sunday I took him up to the front with the other kids and well he decided he had had enough and took off.  I knew he wasn't going to go far so I didn't follow him (we were in the front of church and well I am a big girl and if I went after him he would have ran and it would have been more of a scene!)  He went down the second pew and when he came back to me after about a minute he had a sucker!!  Not sure who gave it to him but thanks!  He came and sat through the rest of the childrens sermon and then we headed down stairs so he could play with the rest of the kids.



Lookin all sharp, headed to church!!



Yummy cookie spoon!!

Another day in paradise....

Well it hasn't been that exciting of a week.  I have made the transition to "the other end" of the week at work.  I will have my weekends back again! Well until the next transition at least. But I think that wont happen for me until after the baby is born.  I am also starting on day shift this week.  Waking up at 4am is not my favorite, but getting home by 5pm and having my evenings with my family is looking pretty good.  It will be nice to be able to put our baby boy to bed at night to, oh and snuggle up with my wonderful hubby.  What is also nice is I can start attending church again!  I go to this wonderful small church out it Roswell ID.  We have a great church family.  There is just this nice warmth that comes over you when you step inside. It's a great way to start/end the week.

On other news, our oven broke!  Well not the entire oven, just the bottom element of the oven.  And wouldn't ya know you can't just go into a store and buy one of those things!  Oh no you gotta go online and do it.  Trust me I went all over one day trying to find one.  Well needless to say I haven't gotten on line yet to order one.  So we have been with out an oven for a while.    And since then I have had the erg to bake!  So on one of my days off I loaded up Toad (aka K.C.) and I went over to my Mom's house to bake some cookies and banana bread.  I was nice and left some for my Dad.  On my way back home I noticed my neighbor sitting outside, I heard he was having some medical issues so I decided to share some cookies with him to.  We had a nice talk and I learned he is recovering from a surgery to remove cancer, so if we could keep him in our prayers that would be great.  I hope they got all the cancer out.  He seemed to be doing pretty good, I am sure the cookies helped :)  So along the lines of our oven not working....  I got the bright idea to make a pot roast in the crock pot.  Well that didn't work out how I planned.  I dropped the frozen roast when I was unwrapping it and I broke my crock pot! So not only do we not have an oven we now have no crock pot!!  Luckily I borrowed my Mom's so we have had a few meals in it.  Other then that it is either BBQ or whatever we can cook on the stove top.  You just don't realize how much you count on certain appliances until you don't have access to them!

On baby news, I had another check up on 10/04.  Everything is looking good.  The baby is really active.  I have felt some movements but still no strong ones that other people can feel.  I can't wait until I can have K.C. feel my belly for a kick.  He is pretty cute already with this pregnancy.  He got to sit up by my head during one of my last appointments and since then he has to lift up my shirt so that he can push on my belly like the midwife did.  I have also got him to start giving his baby brother "loves".  He will give my belly a hug and rest his head on it, it's so cute.  Another cute thing he has done is he has watched me put my coco butter lotion on my belly, I have never really put lotion on K.C. so now after watching me do that he wants to put lotion on to.  So I put a little bit on his hand and he will lift up his shirt and rub the lotion on his belly.  It is the cutest thing ever, I guess he thinks that's where lotion is supposed to go.  I tried to get him to just rub his hands together, but guess he knows better :)  Well I have gained some weight this this month :(  I know that is what is supposed to happen, I am still not up to my pre prego weight though.  Honestly that is just fine with me cause that was a high number for me anyway.   My midwife went ahead and measured me and I was at a 25!  I am at 21 weeks this week so maybe I will get lucky and have this lil guy early!  But my luck he will come right on his due date just like K.C. did.  And come to find out there is a chance he can be born on one of my Grandma's birthdays!  My Grandma Oostra is Feb 9 and my Grandma Vogel is Fem 12.  I think that would be kinda cool.

So since school has started we haven't been able to have the older Cook boys over much.  They are pretty busy with boy scouts and band, oh then there is that Idaho hunting thing that they are involved in...   James did get to take K.C. to one of Keegan's band competitions on Saturday.  He was so happy to see his older brothers.  I told James to take the camera.... but he didn't.  Keegan has another competition at Valley View on this Saturday we hope to go see.  I can't believe how fast they are growing up.  Keegan is in 10th grade this year and Cameron is in 7th.  Man does time fly!!

My baby is also not much of a baby anymore, I sadly switched out all the "month" size clothes and he is now in a size 2t.  He's getting so big!    And his personality is getting just as big!!  I love it when he sits there and just jabbers, he is so close to talking.  He says a few words but not enough to really communicate yet.  He is starting to be a big helper to, he sure knows the phrase "put it back"  and is helping pick up his toys.  He is also fearless!!  With no help from his mother... lol  I have been teaching him how to jump off his dresser onto his mattress on the floor :)  He has to hold my hand still but I am sure it wont be long before he doesn't!!  The cool thing about this kid is that if he gets hurt he gets right back up and tries it again, he is tough and determined!